Uniquely Yo

I had an amazing conversation with a good friend about women and men & relationships-amongst other things...

interestingly enough, throughout the conversation, my good friend would say something about women to which I would frequently say or think "I'm not like that" or "that's not me". 

maybe i am weird and am not what most men expect me to be like.  not to say I don't make the typical mistakes women make, but I honestly do feel that I do things that are atypical from "most *Dominican women".

few examples:


*I can handle the truth.  Does that mean I won't react to it?  No.  But it does mean that you can honestly tell me what you are thinking and it won't be held against you.
*Maturity level is beyond comprehension and I can have REAL TALK with men.
*Flawed SuperWoman.  Punto.

My friend said sooooo many things that I was like...noooooooo, not I....and I understand that women say they are one way and then act another.  and so i understand if you sir, are like-GTFOH (get the eff outta here in ny accent)! but if u know me, u also know that i do speak much about me, but i do as i mean, and then reflect with the person.

i know, i know, its hard to digest,  IDC if you believe me or not, but let it simmer and observe. i think u'd be surprised.  i never cease to amaze myself

Star light, Star bright, First star, I see tonight ...

Evangelina (See The Princess and the Frog, only then you will get it lol),

If only someone would pay all my bills and keep my mom company for a year or two, I would volunteer for a global NGO which requires I travel and live in several different countries.

Happy would be an understatement to describe what I'd feel.

pliz?

regalos continued....

lol

I would like a decent sized kitchen equipped with the tools for a 5star restaurant chef AND the time to experiment in it.

a personal jet.


....until I see some stuff I want. lol lataz

Eff U

*The sign in the picture gets my point across except i would make a few edits so it read: "No se pasen cono malditos"

right hook, left jab- don't forget to breathe
breathe, right uppercut, right jab x2.
3 breathe (r,l,r)
4 (r,l,r,l) breathe

sick of rolling with the punches

any hint as to when the bell will ring? how long is the round anyway?

im not the type to waa waa about shit. with that said, a big F U to wat's pissing me the fuck off right now.

Love should not hurt.

I don't want to know love if it means a black eye, busted lip, isolation, lies or living in fear....

"A woman is battered every 9 seconds in the U.S., and approximately 1,400 women are murdered by their spouses each year." - domesticviolence.org

damn you superman syndrome.....damn u.

y eta vaina, dique romance?

A topic that has come up with eerie frequency in the past few days: Romance- and I look forward to your comments!

Men debating the do's and don't of romance and women analyzing each romantic gesture.

My conclusion: it is EASY to romance a woman.

Yep, I said it and I believe it. Listen, any man that watches any good romantic comedy or has female friends can figure out how to romance a woman. It is not hard to send her flowers or a midday email to let a woman know she's in your thoughts. It's not difficult for a man to take a woman out and pay for everything and hold doors and show your good manners.
That's why I look beyond the "easy stuff"- not to say it should not be done!

Its protocol. A man should want to show you that he can go out of his way to make you feel unique. So what exactly is special about it?

What is hard- ladies, is finding a man willing to do the easy protocol stuff and exceeding. What provides to be more difficult, is finding a man that romances a woman because HE WANTS TO, not because it's expected.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend and he commented on my habit to "comment on every nice gesture" a man may have done. And this friend is right. I make it a point to compliment a man for treating me as I'd like. Because that's just it. Women are easily romanced because there are more men that no longer go through the inconvenience of romancing a woman with the easy protocol stuff at minimum. So few, that when a woman encounters the man that actually does, it seems out of this world!

Not I. Look, I appreciate the romantic gestures, which is why I show my appreciation, it also encourages the person to do it again, because it was appreciated and very much liked. But please understand that the easy protocol stuff is the basic minimum. For example, I went on a date last night and the guy asked me "What's one thing a guy never did for you that you wish he did?" And my response wasn't as direct as he expected.

A man should do what he thinks would make me happy consistently throughout a relationship because he wants to therefore making him happy. If it will not be done consistently, then why do it? And for the record, it does not have to be in materialistic form. In other words, don't bring me red roses because you know I like red roses once, instead, bring me red roses as many times as possible throughout our union because that's what YOU want to do. Doing something romantic for me should make the man happy, I don't want to be selfish in my happiness.

And what about romancing a man??! HTF does that even happen?! Men need to be romanced too you know! Clearly its a different technique, but I've given men flowers before. How about them apples?! lol.

IDK, I'm kind of annoyed at women that boast about simple shit, like "He returns my textes in a timely fashion." LOL (I'm guilty of that) and its sad that those are the types of compliments we are giving men romancing us. I'm tired of men getting away with simple romancing BS like paying for dinner. How is that romantic?! LOL. I wish I heard more women say, every Friday, for the last (enter length of relationship here), there is a bouquet of roses on my desk at work or at my front door, never missed one Friday. Now...thats romance!

Ladies, we need to have higher standards in the romance department and men need to be a little bit more creative...and vice verse. Men challenge yourself to go above and beyond, women romance your men!

I'm pretty sure that's why my family thinks I'm gay. Because I refuse to settle and just bring along any dude that buys me a rose from the single rose seller on 34th street, which I've done before. Yes sometimes you like a man so much that his minor attempts seem great, but then later on you are miserable and angry that "he's not trying anymore" when it was clear he never tried to begin with. And yes, I've rushed into things at times, but men seem to forget that the screening process doesn't end at me me liking you. Keep impressing me because I'm a hot commodity, I can make you better. I hope this post isn't misinterpreted. I am a hopeful romantic, I do love roses and cheasy walks in the park. I just ask for initiative and work. Samethings I put in.

Standards scare people, I do not have a laundry list and there is room for compromise, but I will not settle. When you settle you end up miserable- take it from me.

*Mistakes have been made, taking a new approach people!

For Precious...

Friends...I just viewed Precious...let's talk...

This is a movie about a teenager that experiences physical, emotional, mental, verbal and sexual abuse from her father and mother. As a result, By the time she's 16, she is illiterate and the mother of 2 incestuous children. This movie tells a very real and traumatic story and, audiences love it and are recommend, as do I.

I am happy this movie made some theaters (interesting not all). It seems as though humans are fascinated by the experiences of others (I know I am) and its amazing to see actuality reach some viewers. Glad to see that its not always about the happy endings and the ongoing perfection Hollywood seems to continuously feed us.

With that said and without minimizing Precious' story, I'd like to uplift a gazillion untold stories.

FYI people, we all have our story. I've witnessed many realities just as traumatic as that of Precious' if not worst. Even as I write this several of my friends come to mind. In other words, Precious is not alone. If only this movie would have reached all theaters and possibly reached viewers unaware of such struggle, it could serve as some type of societal public service announcement. Just for a moment, it would permeate society's pseudo bubble of perfection serving as a reminder that as our energy and focus is consumed by an unfaithful Tiger Woods, we ignore the countless "Precious' " being molested by their parents, failed by those meant to protect them and that as a society we have our work cut out for us.

I am aware of such struggle, for I have my own story. I'm in need of no reminder. There are many who do. Maybe a movie is not the best way, but its a start. I know that individual decisions are essential regarding one's future, but sometimes, some of the circumstances we end up in are results of societal flaws.

When human trafficking exist and thrives in the US and globally, its a societal failure.
When an achievement gap exists in our youth, products of our education system, its a societal failure.
When an educated person of color is "the exception", or "went against all odds", its a societal failure.
When people of the same sex cannot join in civil union, disregarding religious affiliation, society has failed them.

I can't deny that by promoting this film, I am also promoting a film that has the potential to perpetuate already existing negative stereotypes, for it does not portray people of color in the best light. But the film catapulted my mind and emotions into a tornado of thoughts, so I suggest everyone mature enough to handle it, watches Precious or reads the book.
With that said, go ahead and reflect on how you can can challenge society to diminish the amount of Precious' that exist. I'm working on my master plan.

This one is for all the Precious' I know and have failed.

En esta navidad, me voy a regalar...

Bueno mi gente,

I have a very interesting take on Christmas..well more like the Western culture of Christmas, not the reaaaal meaning of it.

I typically don't get presents, only because I don't get them, doesn't mean I don't wish for them.

So... if Santa really existed, I would ask for:

*The perfect present for my mom (trust me shes the hardest woman to please)
*A shopping spree and makeover
*A week long vacation all expenses paid...with some company
*A really good massage
*A trip to spa castle...or two
*Quality time with genuwine people
*An extension to my yoga subscription
*A romantic surprise

This list in not exhaustive and will continue to develop. I'm okay with my list because life has taught me that contrary to popular belief, christmas isn't about the presents. Heck, my parents haven't given me a present since like 1996 lol. And that's okay, because regardless of the presents, christmas comes around and I have a blast.

I do get a little sad when I see people bragging about their cameras and diamond rings...but material things can only fulfill but so little. Then Christmas is over and the miserable feelings return. LOL.

Plus I have life long presents...friends, health, intelligence and gorgeousness lol. What more can I ask for? Again, I'm not only thankful on samguibis...I'm thankful for Life.

For Life is like a bubble, created in seconds, at times perfect, shinning bright, going freely with the wind, everlasting...and then, like a bubble, life inevitably ends as quickly as it was created.

Rest in Paz. Luis Ortiz...like your life...your passing served us also:

Reminding us that we are only on this world temporarily and the most important things, the parts of life that matter, are not the ones we can buy and brag about on December 26th.

Taino Blood Runs Deep

My Roots

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/11/23/science/1247465759943/dominican-town-explores-ecotourism.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/24/science/24miches.html

Yo <3 Miches

Giggety!

Got IT! Yep, I'm back...full throttle beaches! I'm getting that travel itch again...I can't afford it but opportunity rose and I may be taking a bite out of it sooner than expected. Plus, I'm tired of this eff'n slavery, its the same feeling that led me to Spain, Costa Rica, Miami, Vegas...lol..I'm smart, I can handle :) No Miami for me, its cool, not that exciting...pero Cali...o talvez Miches? Quien sabra? Day 5...lets GET IT.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh riggght... Smile can't fit on this planet...Me siento...Resplandeciente ...Mi di top shotta!

mira tu!

get it together carajo

poopoo tu no eres ni seras

hmm.

pao pao

yaooooooo mi gente!

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking, probably way too much, but I've had many many revelations lately that i hope to expand on in separate entries.

pero before i forget:

I had a convo with a friend in regards to marriage. My position: if two people are committed to each other why do they need a religious ceremony, performed by a nongodly mortal, to confirm that? His response: ceremonies serve a purpose. Initially, I was like yea, whatever, many people who take the plunge in a religious ceremony end up in another ceremony: divorce. But then it dawned on me...he is right. We shall be expanding on this later on, but think about this one.

I was an emotional wreck last week, but the emotion I felt the most was anger. I need to resume to working out before I loose friends due to my smart impulsive mouth. It cracks me up how impulsive I can be. I be doing some crazy ish man...tengo que tener cuidado.

Sex and double standards...I can write a whole book on that one. Lets just say I am surprisingly happy where I'm at. Giggety!

So I saw someones facebook status and, although it was a joke, i found his comment to be borderline offensive. I decided to send this person a private message and shared why I thought his comment should be thought over. I seriously contemplated about sending this message and after sending it, spoke it over with a few friends.

One friend: it was a joke, you are being to sensitive, i thought you believed in free speech

my response: are we too apathetic? are we enabling the man?

My thoughts: he's a smart man, if he's as smart as I think, he won't get offended, he'll just think about what effect his words have on people.

Second friend: true true.

Sensitive or not, as a socially conscious person, I wanted to make this person think. I am happy to report that this person received the message intelligently and my anti oppression task was complete. The work is life long. I think we let too many things slide by, but that's the society we live in, I choose to challenge the status quo any chance I get. I will not continue to enable people's dumb thoughts, not when they claim to be intelligent. I am proud of myself and will continue to urge people to shut up and talk.

& finally, I have had lots of time face the reality that I have come into with age. As I have gotten older, my cross has only gotten heavier. The new plight I have taken on: FACING it. For a few years I've been in denial about some one's addiction problem responsible for my reality today. I have finally the courgae to face it. Thankfully, I am the way I am, otherwise this battle would have beaten me a long time ago. I am happy I am individually strong. Now I have to complete going through the motions so I may begin forgiving. I have faith I will one day, for now, anger is what I feel. I'm not worried of permanency, I've never been an angry person.

I love you because you have never stopped being a genuine friend or wrong about anyone. PaoPao to me for being hopeful. Sometimes the proof is right in your face and its still hard for you to see. Lesson learned: learn from new experiences and people in life but always know yourself more. For your trust, the test should be much more critical, that way you are not disappointed when you have been failed.

I've learned to have no expectations and cant help that I get soft from time to time. SMH @ me. Just a little reminder course its all. Noted.

You cannot fake intelligence.

Interesting what is important to people. Do you know what is truly important to you?

Everything happens for a reason, seriooosoooooooooo!

Palabra

You may be a slave and not even know it...

Guess What?

Soooooooooooooooooo LIFE IS Efffin CRAAAAZY mannn!

*Its long winded but it truly deserves to be read in its entirety.

Okay, prior to my current singledom, I was in a relationship with this young fellow from Brooklyn for about 2.5 years. We met at a dance club- yes I know never a good sign but hear me out one sec. I was frowning- literally-@ this club because I was not having a good time and this individual noticed. He asked me to dance- not just humped me from behind, and after dancing till last call, my smile was wiped. Walked me to the train station and evveryyythings (I was still in college, don't judge). He asked for the digits and got them and actively pursued and convinced me to go on a date with him on the next day (thanks to my BFF who encouraged me to go) and eventually a relationship despite my initial hesitation.

A few years later, a student at my school approached me at a party after I ended our relationship and asked me how I knew him. I informed her we were in a relationship that no longer existed. She told me she worked at the same retail store he did, that she knew him and then asked why we broke up. So, I uh...BSd her because, well I don't kiss and tell. I always knew she deep down had much information about this person that I would have loved to know when we were in a relationship, but after the relationship I never bothered to ask because I simply didn't care.

Funny how life works. A few years pass by and guess who is back in my life? Yep this student who knew him. She is currently undergoing the membership process for the greek organization I am a member of and I happen to be her "pledge mom." For those of you unfamiliar with greek life, I am the person responsible for her membership process and ultimately her birth into the organization. I spend 90% of my time with this woman. One time, she was with me when he called & I told him because he knows her. His tone rapidly switched and when I told him I'd call him back, he quickly agreed.

Guess what. He didn't pick up my call. hmmmmmmmmmm *places finger on head

I mentioned to her how weird it was he didn't pick up my call being he always picks up my RETURNED calls.

Then an interesting conversation followed.

Basically she confirmed that my former partner was actively involved with the person he claimed "was his best friend" throughout the better part of our 2.5 year relationship.

Yea, I'll let that one simmer.

Seriously, I was not even mad. It stung for like .00001 seconds because no one likes that sort of news. Aside from the fact that I am very much over him, I wasn't even surprised. I was, however, vindicated-finally!!!! (I am not psycho or jealous. you were unfaithful and got sloppy after a few years).

So why blogg about something that's seemingly so irrelevant you ask?

A few things:

First: Its a SMALL world. OMG, what were the chances of that happening?? CRAZY right?!

Secondly: The truth ALWAYS comes out. In my case, it came out relatively soon. My sister lied about the identity of my nephews biological father, and 15 years later, he had to take some blood test for some unrelated reason and BAM- you are not the father...but you are! I wholeheartedly believe this people, the TRUTH ALWAYS comes out.

And third: my friends and I were talking about checking the voice mails, emails, facebook, myspaces and messages of your partner. One person was gun ho about it and I was adamantly against it because I'd done it and its never a good situation. You cause yourself unnecessary stress and when you find what you were already suspicious about to be true, you cant bring it up to the person without them deflecting the discovery of their wrong doing onto you with their disgust at the violation of trust. So I will never, and I swear on my jaded heart, EVER go down that road again and hope women follow in my footsteps.

Point is, if you are checking your partners stuff, its because you already have enough proof or are unhappy with your relationship. I blog about the situation to shed light on the growth I've experienced as a woman since we broke up. Ending our relationship was the best thing I could have ever done. My life has only been better since I ended that relationship. And that is an understatement. Seriously.

Ladies: If you are making compromises in your relationship and are still not happy, THEN END IT. Do not remain hopeful, if its a character flaw, things will not change. I know compromises can be made and changes can occur if there is a will. you will see when there is no will to work at something. If that is the case-DUMP the person. There is someone out there that will fulfill your personal relationship standards. Have strength to move onto to something BETTER. God knows how many things I turned my cheek to, to maintain that empty relationship. Thankfully I was strong enough to end it and go through the horrid motions of a break up to come out a better person on the other side.

Cheaters: Your actions do affect all parties involved and usually those are people who truly care for you. Think twice the next time you are unfaithful. If you are unhappy with your partner, have some cojones and break it off, don't be selfish.

Thankfully I was smart enough to realized and INTERNALIZE the fact that I am a beautiful, intelligent woman who's got too much going for herself to remain at those standards. Today I know many things. I now know that I never really loved this person because my emotions were never reciprocated. I have affirmation of what I always knew- I am not crazy!! I know that the words "I love you," are meaningless unless their ACTIONS scream "I love you." I also learned to give my mother's dislike of a bf more consideration. Most importantly, I now know what standards to hold men to, what I will not compromise on and what is unacceptable in a my future relationships, period. If you do not qualify, it's OK, no matter how much I may be into you, you will be removed from the extensive list of qualified candidates.

To this person:

Sucks to be here since we were actually friendly toward one another. Isn't it funny how I found out anyway? I always knew, i just thought I loved you. After the culture of our relationship turned shady, I did my research and still ignored the proof- silly me. I was genuinely honest to you and with you. You causED me a lot of hurt and pain to the point that I acted completely unlike myself. Karma's a bitch, which is why I am not angry, I trust her. My only regret is not ending things with you sooner, I was young. I thank you for taking me down that road because I learned a lot about relationships and men from you. I will not shit on you because that speaks to me, I mean I was with you for a number of years, us know I always thought I was settling. My conscious is clean.

When I told my friend we broke up he said "Por fin! Dejate ese muerto!" Meaning your social skills are wack. Step it up. Stop calling me, I do not want wish to engage in late night activities with you again. Please pay your school loans so that they stop calling me in hopes of contacting you and don't use my name for references ever again. Your mother is a wimp for not telling me what she knew all along, even when I found the picture and asked her who the female was and all she could do was look down and pout- coward. Stop asking her to cover for you- grow a pair. If you need something important, like a donation of an organ or food for your children, please feel free to email me. Otherwise, I wish you love.


To the other woman who apparently was well informed and aware of my existence:

Priviet (russian for hello). I feel for you. I was in the same exact position before. I too was with a man who was in a relationship in hopes he would leave her for me because I really cared for this person. The difference between you and I is that I actually have a conscious and a brain and quickly realized what you failed to realize in seven years- ain't gonna happen. So I ended that situation. I'm sure you would have been encouraged to cut the shit out but his actions always lured you to remain hopeful, so I don't blame just you. Oh, and are you together now btw? Nope. Never had a chance, See how that works? If he wanted you as his girl, he would have never began a relationship with me. Womp. Hurry the fuck up and finish john jay. You cant be in college forever Van Wilder. I am prettier and smarter and worth it which is why I dumped him. And in case you can't read, he still calls me TOO. Man up, grow some brains, and I wish you love in your current "happy" relationship.

To me: never, everrrrrrrrrrrr settle. Never forget your worth, and if your future is one destined for booty calls because you refuse to compromise on your core values, then you have 14 nieces and nephews that will benefit from your fortune.

Bloggers: I am single by choice (read other entries such as jade breaks heart). So here I'll give you the basics: if you are a male older than 24, taller than me in heels, smart, have an academic degree, a salary, is funny, a social personality, and good looking with hopes of finding a serious truly MONOGAMOUS and good looking companion for old age, let me know. I may be able to pencil you in.

I want to know what love is, I don't believe I have ever been in love. Have I cared deeply for someone? Yes. Have I loved a man? Don't think so. Who's up for the challenge, my goal ISN't bootycalls you know. :)

I wish you all love.





Peace and LOVE

wild thannnng

pero mundo del blooooogggeooo?!!!!

que abandonado te tengo!

Never! I have just been working like a slave, which is nothing new- my apologies!

WOW, so many realizations, so much growth...alll amidst all of the mayhem.

no tears...smiles alllll day - *pats on back.

my mind has been in all corners of the emotional grid and has reached all ends of the spectrum in terms of intensity.

recently I've been disgusted at complacency our society has demonstrated SMH @ you society. condoning our bad habits and turning your cheek on community organizing and civic participation. wagg of the finger to your wackness!

when i was in grad school people would get sick of my conspiracy theories and social commentary. and i became complacent to not annoy them. well u know wat i tell them. WTFU (wake the fahk up). while u hush me to get your daily dose of perez hilton, people are loosing their homes, jobs and employment.

How about we stop being so individualistic and act like a community? In the end we will all be old, senial in senior citizen centers thinking back on the shouldaswouldas couldas. How about we prevent that?

*oooooh I'm riled up friends. I've been reading/watching/talking/growing...so prepare this blog to embrace "Eta que ta qui's" more...crazy radical side. I've controlled it for far too long and I pride myself on being able to challenge the status quo because its so easy to go with it.
I wannnnnnaaaa beeeee freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

eta que ta qui es una Wild Thang!

y pol q

Do we spend too much time in a virtual world and not enough time with each other?

cheese!!!

ok, ok smile is back people.

MO tank: 1/4 filled, idk how, but it happened.

we gon' make it work. we got dis!

:)

i esmiling now. :)

gone...

it left.

slipped away.

se fue.


no no, i speak of no man....gimme some credit.

i speak of my MO. its gone. raise and all...its far away. i hope i get a hold of it soon because...this is not good...i've been pretty full on MO for a while and all of a sudden its like i took my can o' MO and spilled its contents in a rage of insanity.

kinda tired of faking the funk really.

im certain ill find it. who knows...

...cambio y fuera

its been done

i broke his heart in the worst of ways...through text. i know, i know, but his desire for me was overwhelming and there was no room for the conversation. You alll know what I'm talking about! I also didn't have it in me to be so cruel. i had to let him know tho...and i did. i refuse to lead anyone on. fthat. i hope we can talk about it when he's ready because he's a good guy.

otherwise...let the healing continue.

im out!

ps... I GET IT!

Jade breakes hearts...

The following is something that's been gnawing @ my conscious for a long time.

There's a man that has gone above and beyond to show me that I am a woman he respects, appreciates and admires. Like several others, he's interested in me romantically, and amongst other things, he...

* Has always been a gentleman in EVERY sense of the word, from opening the door to paying for expensive dates.
* Has driven hours to share a few moments of my day.
* Pays attention to detail
* Is selfless-displayed via words and actions
* Has impeccable text/calls/email/FB etiquette
* Owns his own business
* Is clear about his intentions with me

And yet, I cannot correspond him and others that have tried. Unlike myself, I barely acknowledge his courting attempts. I've treated this man with the same treatment I've received from men that are just not into me. He does not deserve it. He is a fantastic man and I'm sorry for adopting the very despicable behavior onto this person. Not returning calls/texes, having excuses for not being able to hang etc etc, all in hopes that he would get the hint. I feel extra bad because my learned behavior has failed to send the "I'm not into you" message and so I've taken the passive aggressive route men have taken with me. And that sucks, because as a person that preaches "bluntness and honesty (which I'm typically good at)" I haven't been either, and now understand.

I never meant to hurt this person and understand that he's an amazing guy. The "it" factor is just missing. In an attempt to spare his feelings, I haven't been upfront with him-ah I get it! I understand why men might have acted the way they have with me (light bulb!). Unlike the many men that have done this to me, I also know wat it feels like and know that its NOT fun to be ignored and unresponded, to justify the non-returned texes and confusing behavior, in hopes that one day that persons actions will eventually change. The truth is, they won't. I won't magically start liking this person.

With that said, I will owe it to tell him and will. I will not be like the men I've dated. I'm better than that and this person with emotions deserves better. Now, we can both move forward.

Women are so complicated. Here I have what sounds like the perfect man and yet I can't bring myself to like him. Sucks because the people I've shown interest in don't size up to the many men I've turned down. Ah, in a perfect world. At least I know my worth.

goes both ways this time...ahhh la vida.
Ciao...besos

Oops, I did it again!

Yep I did it again. Ignored my intuition, let my guard down and I let it happen..again. Obvious development since the last incident is noticeable and it'd been a while but yep these things are inevitable.

"Dame tu querer que solo quiero enamorarte, no te quiero herir solo quiero acarisiarte."- Luis Vargas (if I'm not mistaken).

How literal, and yet, ilegible. I think this session of hooked on phonics stuk and now I can read! :p No crashing and burning this time *does happy dance.

Ahhh and that's the end of that because as soon as I started writing this blog my day took a turn for the best. Went to a Yankee's game, in great seats and with good looking company ;) and then just when I decided was going home knowing that my family lived close by and that I should pay a visit, I took the wrong train. A divine sign that I should spend some much needed family time. And so I followed my omen and went to mi familia. Ahhhhh! Nothing like remembering that you are 'loved' no matter how little you interact with your relatives.

Ahhh thank you higher being. Seriosoooooooo :) (seriously itwontmakesense style )

So many changes to make...mojo quest reaching its climax.

We'll be right back!
-yea mon

Standing ovation

written: 7/15/09

Took a nap when I got home from work, and was awaken by a symphony from NYC streets. I unknowingly had a first row seat to a performance from an old school car with a pimped out alarm and the vocal stylings of two men "conversing" right outside my first floor window. Ah, who needs ambiance music when you have such soothing sounds at your disposal? Trust me, they got a standing ovation...

Luckily, some people are around when needed....@ dawn.... A chill convo and three hours later, I'm wide awake laughing @ infomercials and enjoying an apple.

Alone time+post conversation mental stimulation= random thoughts.

What's this? I have time to write? Seize the 4am-ish moment!

Curiosity's rhetorical offspring:

*How important are the comments of those important people in your life? In other words, how much of an impact does the opinion of a loved one (may it be a close friend or family member) have on your decisions?

*Why don't more people face the fear of singledom?

*Why is it assumed that women are always relationship ready/prone?

*What really matters to you @ the end of the day?

*Why do people tend to primarily focus on the negative aspect of a situation? For example, your boss says, I've gotta talk to you, & people immediately think they are in for a bad meeting.

*What's the last personal realization you dawned upon?

*Was that meticulous enough?

*When is selfishness justified, if at all?

There's a lot more where that came from but those are questions around the recurring themes of many of my recent interactions and continued adventure to self discovery. The more personal developments I experience, the more questions arise.

I like questions because they lead to unknown territory & sometimes they force you to find the answer. But just having them shows that you are paying attention.

Well I hope this give you a randomness fix, hasta luego.

KidZ

Many things on my mind.

First, I've noticed, at the risk of sounding redundant, that children of color plagued by poverty in NY don't get the chance to be children.

**this is not to minimize or in any way take away from the very adult like situations they are exposed to: abuse, domestic violence, criminal exposure, financial strain, broken homes etc etc.

But allow me to process my thoughts...

I'll gear this toward females since its what I'm most exposed to. With sickening frequency, I witness too many little girls/adolescents wearing too much make up and not enough clothing, their immature minds trying to catch up with women-type issues and situations, idolizing everything except education, accomplished women and hard work. Not experiencing honesty-ever.

Talkin, actin, like they grown, but ask them to pronounce pizza or to mention the last book they read that wasn't from the Zhane series-its like someone pushed the mute/corny button. For example, my 14 year old, light skinned, waist length pocahontas type hair dominican intern has a nick name for african americans: "changas, because the look like chimpanzees". *cringes. This church going bright 14 year old never walked into my office without eye liner and matching jordans. SMH.

Or how about my 14 year old witty cousin who had the abortion and gets drunk @ parties, and hates "black girls cuz black girls hate her?"

Or what about my 18 year old cousin who graduated high school almost 2 years ago and has made no other moves?

Pero ask them wat omegas new song is and who isn't talking to who on the block.

Oh...and GOD 4bid I speak properly around them "why u actin so white?!"

What about the 15 three-12 year olds hanging on my stoop till dawn...all the time?!!?

Why is it that the more educated u become it feels like the less u can identify with your people? Lemme try to get them to read "infidel" or to the enjoy a day @ the museum unless there's papis there.

What is the determining factor to induce development among people like my cousins and the youth I encounter in my hood 24/7 so that they snapp outta the poverty mind set/ behavior?

What made me socially conscious and my sister mad ignorant toward other cultures and society: "eso cocolo! Yo no me meto con uno!"

Why after being educated am I much more judge mental of them? Because all of the above were judgments. What makes me expect more of them?

What happened to playing dolls and following rules? What happened to not shaving/doing your eye brows until 15 or older? What happened to curfews, asking permission and castigos when rules were broken? What about acting your age and holding on to your youth?

It makes me sad to see wasted potential and little adults. Maybe spending more time with them will help me understand? Let's try that one day mengggg.

Anyway, much more on this topic but ill leave it at that, I hope to blog one day with more answers than questions.

~for da' kidz!
~Yo

Gracia Amigito (a) (in little dominican girl voice)

I've been meaning to write this entry for a minute.

I

Have

Amazing

Friends

Punto.

Not to be confused with acquaintances, colleagues or boos.

I mean Friends. I'm talking about the person who will sit in the ER with you all night or the person who will call u 50 times 2 find out if u r ok cuz ur in the ER, the person who will just come over to simply talk about assholes, or sleep over. The ones that will stress their life to plan an amazing birthday week and the friend that will tell you when you're coming out your face and set you straight. The person that will leave a cupcake on your desk after seeing you physically react to your job. Ur bestest.

The ones that will make fun of your outfit and praise your intelligence or accomplishments in the same sentence. The one that you don't have to impress. The friend you call/email/hitup/gtalk/FB/ms/aim/text subconsciously and with no reminders even though u just called/emailed/hitup/gtalked/FBd/msd/aimed/texted them.

I hope you know I speak of the person that will let u wear their clothes, crash @ their place, mooch from their stuff. The one that will allow themselves be vulnerable enough to ask for help with serious problems and offer help in the same situation. The one that will pay for dinner, sit by the water fountain for hours with you and work on the friendship while simultaneously genuinely ignoring their romantic feelings for you. The one that would always come thru on a favor for u no matter how inconvenient it is for them. The one that will stay up all night with you, listening to show theme songs like the teenage mutant ninja turtles and walking in the rain to then suffer with you the next day @ work or in class.

The one that will be real with you no matter wat.

The one that will teach you life lessons you never thought you'd learn. The one who taught you to be okay with showing affection and the words "I love you." The one that fed and clothed you when u had no food or clothing, almost daily. The one that unconditionally laughs at all of your jokes and makes fun of u when they are not funny. The one who bbms u when they are on the crapper. The one who selflessly gives an ear, a ride, and themselves. The one that will deposit $ in your account when your stranded in Albany or "forget" u owe them for that laptop u bought from them. Your wing man and twat swatter when need be. The one that will always ask if you had dinner and about your family. The one that keeps your deepest darkest secrets.

The one that doesn't judge and has only your best interest at heart.

Yep, That Friend. I'm blessed to have that friend in a few people and hope you all get to experience a friend like that. I wrote this entry as my friends came to mind. Scattered thoughts and strongly linked to deep emotion and gratitude. Amigito, graaaaaaaacia. :)

-Pura Vida Mae!!

Have you made someone blush lately?

I was on my way to the bus to get to work today and a man says "Good morning gorgeous" and proceeded to hand me a single long stem red rose (My FAVORITE!). I am CHEEESIN...hard and say thank you in a pleasantly surprised voice. I was embarrassed and blushing-jes he made a darkie blush! I did not provide, nor intended to, digits or any form of repayment nor did he request any (GUAO!). He saw me waiting for the bus and then comes back and said, this one is much prettier for you and he switches it for a lovelier white rose, again no request for anything. Cue in big ass grin.

That
Made

My Day.

Thank you random gentleman that has led me to believe that chivalry is on life support and not dead! That single unexpected act had me in a GREAT mood the entire day and I was LOVING my rose. I was able to work better, deal with more crisis better and be more productive. I then realized that a good friend and coworker was having a rough day with a family emergency so I decided to pay it forward and left the rose in her seat with a note that included details of how I ended up with the rose (I wasn't going to front like I bought it):

Desk phone rings; shaky voice: Thanks Manis, I really needed that and it made my day. Thank you Higher Being for giving me the opportunity to make someone feel the way I felt.

So go! Make someone Blush!...wat are you waiting for!

...still cheesing!

...more questions than answers...

Thank you Carmen Sandiego...where do you find these things?!!!



This video provided valuable insight towards self discovery: I had an interesting conversation with a friend after we read the article about the girl in government who got fired for her overly racist statements on Facebook. I am definitely weary of what I say and couldn't help but think: Have I said anything here that may negatively impact my life whether its now or in the future?? Although my words here aren't meant to be offensive, I must protect myself. It saddens me that I have to maintain anonymity on here for several reasons such as unforeseen professional consequences. You just never know. I hope for the best.

Any who, the questions: 'are people of color being too sensitive or not sensitive enough about race and racism (funny how oppression never comes up)' were also part of our conversation . There was a time when I was in grad school que yo estaba insoportable con "its because I'm black" this, and "that was so racist I refuse to watch the show" that. Just hard to explain to people that benefit from the deeply rooted systemic racism and oppression that exist in our society why my realities and observations to them are sometimes interpreted as overly sensitive without pointing the finger. Its also difficult to determine when I'm being apathetic to an obviously racist and oppressive act. The balance is what I'm trying to find. Seems like a Life Long task. Vamos a vei!

-Siganme a lo Bueno!- El Chapulin Colorado (my main mannn)

healthy fear

Went to a wake to support a hurting friend and of course many thoughts were left on my mind.

Death and dying are just topics I'm not good @. Death and dying aka my kryptonite (pun intended). I've never experienced the loss of someone that I was close with so I just don't know how to act in these situations. I do, however, know that I care for my friend so I went. The shared tears and hugs made up for the consoling words I lacked, and so I'm

happy I went.
Facing our mortality definitely takes you for an emotional/mental spin. Remember, the only thing that's 100%guaranteed in life is death. Scary ish.

*I couldn't help but thinking of the day mortality decides to swing by for a visit. Would I be able to cope with the loss rather normally? Or what if I loose the will to live as I've seen people do? Idk man, the permanent absence of a few people that come to mind would drastically change my life and outlook on it. I wonder how.

As mortal beings, a dangerous way to live life is as if it is never ending. We go to sleep angry, leave uncompleted tasks, withhold... emotions... thoughts... words, hoping to get the opportunity to do them when you wake the next morning. Forgetful that eternal life is not ours to live and uncertain of what the afterlife brings. *deep breath*

I fear death for those reasons exact. Leaving loved ones in mourning or having to mourn. Not being able to complete the assignment, and taking with me those emotions, thoughts and words meant for sharing. This healthy fear of death, however, allows me to hone in on the very things that matter to me.

So live life fully and morally friends. Don't be selfish with those meaningful thoughts, words...emotions. Do what you intended to do in good faith. LAUGH. You are as happy as you let yourself be.

*Pura Vida Mae!
Has luego....

deeeep breathe and exhaleeeeeeeeeeee

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

im really distracted friends. idk whats going on in my brain really. work is becoming just that: work. need to move on prontoooooooo. unfortunately, i need 2+ years of experience to get some of the jobs ive been looking at, so montra, calllma.

i am, however, studying for my license and trying to get my finances straight so that in my old age, i'm not left alone to die like some of my clients. *scary*

well...my mind has been hijacked recently and this time it brings a day long smile to my face. Helps me cope with modern day slavery.

well until i have something insightful to share...ciao

Fastforward

buennnnnnnnno mi gente, definitely fell off buttt im back.

lets rewind the past few weeks and fastforward the recap shall we?

went to ohiiiiiooooooooo to visit family, good trip, good bonding time with momma- yay!

came back to strep throat, but high doses of antibiotics did the trick and recuperated-woo!

NYS Senate= HAM (hot ass mess) meaning many things are at stake including my salary. FML.

lot more self discovery happening.

went to Costa Rica. GUAO. GUUUUUUUUUUAO. Not only is the country gorgeous, but the ladies I went with are friggin amazing. I absolutely had a movie type vacation and couldn't of asked for anything more or less.

returned and still partying like a rockstar minus the lavish budget. beach trips, dancing and boys. what else could i ask for?

summer 2009 is flying by. jeeeebles, what's the rush time?

okay, i promise to return with something insightful soon. i promise.

ARG >{

Furious. OMG I don't scream because I'm not 3years old to throw a tantrum and well aware it won't make me feel better. Kicking/punching someone in the face/violently between the legs will. And it may land me in a cell with a lady named Bubba trying to hit on me. So blogging will do.Hey, not all entries will be funny or happy.


Just spoke to someone in a way I never thought I would. Everyone has their breaking point. Disappointment is something I will never get used to especially from a repeat offender. Hardship, however, is something I refuse to grow accustomed to, no matter how persistent it is. There are endless unconventional things-both simple and complicated-about my family that I will strive to never mimic, adopt nor incorporate into my future family dynamics. I just wish some people would understand the gravity of their decisions and actions on their family members and the large contribution they make to the construction of characters and personalities.

Take a minute to de construct one aspect of your personality and I bet you can probably link it to family history. For instance, I'm mature for my years because my childhood was short lived. With that said, I'm probably as silly as I am for the same reason. Bitter sweet.

Funny how negative this post sounds. The more I interact with the elderly, the more I feel the need to repair/maintain relationships with family members. Ultimately it is they who are forced to stick through the tough times even if they are to blame for trouble. Loneliness sucks now when everyone is around and young, I don't even want to imagine how lonely it must feel to be old, frail and without family. I'm truly blessed in many ways to have the life and family I do aaaand things are not always what they seem.

Because I have such little patience with family, I pray for patience. Lord knows I need it.

Good night
~Jai

Keep u YOU

paid a visit to martha's vineyard (aka MV or the V) with a group of friends...

some highlights:

*headed to the V with pain meds, antibiotics, and nasal spray- this should be interesting

*the group dynamics could not be more appropriate or shall I say inappropriate?

*the V: after vegas and miami...and DR, we were under the impression that MV was going to be a boisterous party. We brought enough food to generously feed a family of 10 for two weeks and definitely stuck out like Alfalfa's cow lick. Little did we know that the V is a quiet island for family activities. An island in which residents offer friendly greetings to complete strangers, a late night closing for a bar is 1:30am (original pic attached) and the youngsters walk around publicly voicing their drug testing concerns.

*This is what happens when 7 strangers stop being nice, have a lot of food, alcohol, time & curiosity and start being real.
-We made the ferry therefore avoided spending friday night in the car-Thanx Gabe
-sessy dance was conceived and adopted-Me+6 :)
-i learned i can take more verbal and emotional abuse than i thought/ever wanted -as
long as its coming from friends. LOL Thanx Damien
-SHOTS!- Fig
-my eyes were not ready for that- oh Nat...
-that was just disrespectful!- Aims
-your indifferent aka icebox where your heart used to be-Crack

*I was proudly the most sober person of the group (for I was on medication) but definitely enjoyed several meals (lobster was amazing), the beach, wonderful conversations and literally ONGOING laughter.

Point?: Being loopy off of vicodin housed in a two story 8 bedroom, 3 bath beach house, with 6 people, and absolutely no censorship was exactly what I needed! After 2 bedridden days, a molar extraction and being completely wiped out by my allergies, random borderline wreck less behavior was highly overdue. Productivity at work is 99% (-1% for this blog entry), makes me happy.

* unavoidable serious tangent:

~I did LEARN a lot. Its fabulous to learn about yourself through other's experiences and words. Its also amazing to know what people are REALLY thinking. Fanballs has always said that the superpower she'd want was the ability to read minds, after listening to people's thoughts, I could not agree more.

~This I will reveal: My earlier entry about MISinterpretations was not only confirmed, but displayed in a new light. AMAZING/ highly enraging. I am thankful for the way I am. Being truthful has never been so liberating, some people should try it.

Recommendation: Mental health is contingent upon "breaks from reality," so I URGE you take as many vacations/spa days/personal days/ daydreams/toilet breaks (u get the point) as it takes to keep u YOU. I definitely felt more like myself than I have in a long time.

Still Laughing
~Jai

I still have faith geunine people exist.

During the recent evaluation of my life, the impact of the things I encounter as a social worker has been greater. How people act toward one another is something I've been closely observing.

I deal with peoples problems. Plain and simple. Recently, the problems of the people I've been helping have been perpetuated by other people. People with ill intentions. Mean people. Straight up assholes. for instance:

A person and her family almost got evicted (aka became homeless) because a welfare administrator incorrectly entered data into her program, would not speak with the person or return any of my phone calls. The problem was solved and expedited as soon as I got her boss on the phone. So you mean to tell me that an easy phone conversation could have prevented a family from homelessness and you intentionally are not doing your job because of reasons unknown to me? What if the lady did not know to resort to me?

Daughter takes mothers contact information, opens countless credit cards and maxes them out. Mom is on SSI, meaning a fixed income. Daughter doesn't pay debt back and mom picks up cans in the street to be able to do so.

Mom verbally abuses teen child, making sure to include the bit about the teen being worthless daily.

or on a more basic level: girl that likes single guy sabotages single guy's interaction with other girls. people who blatantly overcharge for basic goods. teachers who don't give a crap.

My point? There are just mean people in this world. Mean people breed cruelty. Very few people are genuine these days. What do mean people get out of ruing or interfering a life? Rapists, killers, kidnappers, torturers, home wreckers...etc etc. It's scary, really. Just watch a few episodes on the investigation channel of 48 hours evidence, captured and many more.

Unfortunately, the more you know the more you fear. sometimes ignorance is bliss. for example, before I interned at a pediatrics ward for a hospital and I was ignorant to of baby illnesses. So I had little or no worries for babies. Then my sister gave birth when I was there and I was aware of sudden infant death syndrome, jaundice, malnutrition, wooping cough and the many other ailments newborns suffer. At the sound of a sneeze I was evaluating my nephew and borderline paranoid of what the baby might have fearing the worse.

Makes me wonder if I've played the role of mean person or obstacle to a person in need. I hope not. This is not to say that I am the nicest person. Life has definitely hardened my heart throughout the years. Just scary to realize what my kids will face, hopefully I'm present, capable and sane enough to soften the blow.

Treat each other good, its good for the soul.
Jez

Chosen Toe: This is Your Debut

Yes, inspired enough to ignore work and share something amazing with you!

SOOOOOOOOOOO many things that are blog worthy but this...this is a breakthrough people! I came back with a vengeance so excuse the long entry. Please read it in its entirety.

For as long as I can remember I've had an odd looking pinky toe. After my best friends ridiculed it and my feet relentlessly, I became conscious of the fact that this toe was interesting looking and shortly thereafter the toe that rises slightly above the rest was deemed: The Chosen Toe (TCT). So after realizing that people actually judge feet aesthetics, for as long as I can remember, I've kept it hidden from eyesight and only those closest to me have ever witnessed my feet, let alone TCT and my embarrassment.

Then I became a little older and interested in the opposite sex, and increasingly self conscious of my unconventional looking feet and TCT. Because my life is one big comedy show, 3 out of the 4 partners I have seriously been involved with have had a foot fetish. LMAO. Yes, ironic. Proof that God has a sense of humor. Funny how my feet was the last thing that mattered to them.

Anywho, since then a visit to the podiatrist contained a high spot on my bucket list, but lapses in health insurance coverage served as obstacles. Thankfully my current position came complete with health insurance so I stepped up to the plate, eager to consult a podiatrist on how to remove TCT. Ahh...if it were only that easy....

I told the podiatrist I've always had my suspicions about the toe and wanted an overall foot health analysis. It went as follows: Basically I have a high arch that moves with each step I take. According to her, its the worst type of arch to have because it causes unnecessary pressure on my feet and there is a high probability that I may get arthritis of the feet later in life. As a result, the joints in my foot (not toes) have been impacted by the pressure making my toes contract and not be fully extended like some people with long toes. That's why I have the worlds smallest looking toes.

Finally, the part I've been waiting for: analysis of The Chosen Toe. She takes one look at it and says: its hereditary; even if you don't know anyone in your family with a toe that looks like that, its allllll genetics. Immediately, I get a little discouraged. Then she says

-We can correct it-ahhh hope!
-But...- damn it!

Because of the type of arch you have, it would have to be major foot surgery because we would have to correct all of your toes. I recommend surgery only if there is pain. Also because of the reasons why your feet are like that, chances they will return to looking like that are high. She then applauded how well taken care of my feet are and that I should continue caring for my feet the way I do because its helping my foot health.

I don't believe in surgical procedures for aesthetic purposes. If I did, I would have gotten Lipo a looong time ago and kissed the gym goodbye. So, unless I begin to feel pain, The Chosen Toe is here to stay. I began caring about the appearance of my toes because they were being judged by others (I was truly ok with my feet until they were subject to review by others). I've blamed myself for not having gorgeous feet thinking it was something I did, my consequences of my actions led to the odd appearance of my feet, and I blamed my mom for not teaching me to get pedicures or be a girly girl. I don't wear sandals. All because someone else looks at my feet and doesn't want to immediately suck whip cream off of them. Shame on me.

Well guess what? God gave me these feet. My mother and father made them, its what I got. Just like the raspy voice, the curly hair, the bad memory and the medium sized badoonkie. I gotta work with it. If you don't like my feet, then as Kat Williams eloquently put it: your a Bitch Ni*@a. Keep it moving because I'm not here to please you and it would cost me a lot of money and unnecessary PAIN to change it. No thanks, I'm all set. Para los gustos se hicieron los colores. Plus, if you are going to like me, then take me as I am, chosen toe and all,

I can only imagine what you are picturing my feet look like. For the record, they do not look like the picture I've included. Despite suffering 2nd degree burns on my feet @ the age of 10, they look pretty normal with no scars. I have 10 little toes with nails on them all proportionate to the size of my feet. The Chosen Toe is the spokes person for my feet so he's always a little higher and odder looking than the rest, ready to be addressed. LMAO. I get also get pedicures routinely even during the winter.

I've always had my reservations toward people, including those I've dated, with foot fetishes because I don't have gorgeous feet. But I've always said, unless you have gorgeous feet (and now I add) or are willing to pay for unnecessary major foot surgery and take care of me while I recuperate, then STFU.

The Dr. recommended I wear shoes with support and spend as much time as possible in proper arch support like the appropriate running sneakers to prevent arthritis in the feet. So, if you run into me and I'm rocking a suit and some kicks...don't judge. I'm not trying to suffer in my elder years just because I was trying to look cute. No thanks. Funny how humans are socialized...

Chosen Toe handed to me by my ancestors, I accept you, therefore I accept myself. And that makes feel Fahkin Great. Thank you for reading the entire entry, hopefully everyone did and I can avoid people requesting to see how disfigured my feet are. Although...if you are curious...for 1 easy payment of $19.99, you can get your glance at my beautiful feet and I'll throw in some ankle action! Quick!!! Offer ends soon :)

Laughing always-
Jaz

Over due

yes yes yes, i know i haven't posted in too long.

Reason?

Work has taken over my life and although I know I'm not ready to settle for this modern day slavery, I see a purpose in it. Paciencia y Fe are in high demand right now.

---I'm fighting for freedom and it is exhausting & expensive.

Kinda bored with the social scene right now, there has got to be more than lounges and alcohol out there!

I'm blessed with wonderful friends.

Summer...hurry the fahk up.

I do have stories that are worth while...I'll have em up asap.

passion-less

A person I am helping said "continue to fight, don't loose the passion." Consequently, I was reminded of a question someone asked me years ago, they asked what my goal in life was, and I responded: to have a passion.

Passion to me is something that effortlessly wakes you up every morning. It's something you have an intense emotion for and you enjoy, eat, breathe, sleep it. Passion...it fuels your soul and ultimately your life. (corny? yes, and how would you describe it?). Unconditional love towards your purpose. Thanks DeLaVega...again...

And yet, at 23, I remain passion-less. I know what interests and excites me. And that's just not enough. I know that while I like my job, I yearn for days that I am not working. What's the one thing that moves my soul? For example, I know people that are passionate about poetry, writing, singing, dancing, journalism, shoes, clothing, furniture, the Internet, religion, children, plants, water, medicine, etc etc. People that don't just dabble in their interest, but live in their passion. What about meeee? IDK. Really.

I think this is going to be a lifelong search until I find it. So far the only thing that I really enjoy doing is helping people. The problem is, the amount of people I've been able to impact has not quenched my thirst to help (refer to post titled "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do" from January) . It's like a person that has been lost in the desert and finds a bottle of water with 1 drop in it. A teaser. Enough to drive a person mad.

I have faith that I will find it. I want to be passionate so that I don't look back one day and regret what I did with my life. So far I'm doing good. Wish me luck.

Paz.

just right

Sometimes others can say exactly what you couldn't. Thank you DeLaVega, I could not have said it better myself. Sometimes his art just clicks. Enjoy Friends!

Over

Romántica

What a GORGEOUS DAY! Spring is here, my second favorite season. OH YEA!

I wish I was in Central Park having a romantic picnic with a romantic person and a romantic bottle of champagne after a romantic stroll through the park.

Definitely in the mood for romance, can you tell? In that sense I am kind of cheesy. I love romantic surprises, especially things that were well thought out and meaningful. It is so easy for men to romance women. I thinks it is harder to romance men. Knowing the man facilitates the romanticism, but still, romancing a man (excluding anything sexual) is an art.

What's the most romantic thing someone did for you?

let me free...

ai dios, since when do Dominicans get allergies? I look worse than Tyson after Holyfield was done with him.

Recently, I've experienced the feeling of a caged bird more than usual. It's like someone with gigantor hands decided to grab me by the chest and squeeze without remorse. I'm not sad nor depressed just anxious. So many things I want to accomplish and no idea of exactly how to go about it. And I don't have the resources for them either. I feel like I'm accommodating to the life I fell upon and not seeking the life I envisioned. Being conscious of the aforementioned increases the anxiety. Almost like a prequartercentury-life crisis. LOL

It's not that things aren't okay, I just need them to get better-fast. I'm usually patient but recently even that's rare. The feelings of uncertainty and confinement serve as motivation, I'll figure this out. This will eventually make sense...breathing, no worries.

Which reminds me, what is the likelihood of a woman being successful in her career and finding true partnership? As per an observation I made: there aren't many successful women that are happily partnered up. It's almost like you have to choose one or the other. That's kinda crazy.

...hungry mind here it's all.

hasta luego...