Jade breakes hearts...

The following is something that's been gnawing @ my conscious for a long time.

There's a man that has gone above and beyond to show me that I am a woman he respects, appreciates and admires. Like several others, he's interested in me romantically, and amongst other things, he...

* Has always been a gentleman in EVERY sense of the word, from opening the door to paying for expensive dates.
* Has driven hours to share a few moments of my day.
* Pays attention to detail
* Is selfless-displayed via words and actions
* Has impeccable text/calls/email/FB etiquette
* Owns his own business
* Is clear about his intentions with me

And yet, I cannot correspond him and others that have tried. Unlike myself, I barely acknowledge his courting attempts. I've treated this man with the same treatment I've received from men that are just not into me. He does not deserve it. He is a fantastic man and I'm sorry for adopting the very despicable behavior onto this person. Not returning calls/texes, having excuses for not being able to hang etc etc, all in hopes that he would get the hint. I feel extra bad because my learned behavior has failed to send the "I'm not into you" message and so I've taken the passive aggressive route men have taken with me. And that sucks, because as a person that preaches "bluntness and honesty (which I'm typically good at)" I haven't been either, and now understand.

I never meant to hurt this person and understand that he's an amazing guy. The "it" factor is just missing. In an attempt to spare his feelings, I haven't been upfront with him-ah I get it! I understand why men might have acted the way they have with me (light bulb!). Unlike the many men that have done this to me, I also know wat it feels like and know that its NOT fun to be ignored and unresponded, to justify the non-returned texes and confusing behavior, in hopes that one day that persons actions will eventually change. The truth is, they won't. I won't magically start liking this person.

With that said, I will owe it to tell him and will. I will not be like the men I've dated. I'm better than that and this person with emotions deserves better. Now, we can both move forward.

Women are so complicated. Here I have what sounds like the perfect man and yet I can't bring myself to like him. Sucks because the people I've shown interest in don't size up to the many men I've turned down. Ah, in a perfect world. At least I know my worth.

goes both ways this time...ahhh la vida.
Ciao...besos