ARG >{

Furious. OMG I don't scream because I'm not 3years old to throw a tantrum and well aware it won't make me feel better. Kicking/punching someone in the face/violently between the legs will. And it may land me in a cell with a lady named Bubba trying to hit on me. So blogging will do.Hey, not all entries will be funny or happy.


Just spoke to someone in a way I never thought I would. Everyone has their breaking point. Disappointment is something I will never get used to especially from a repeat offender. Hardship, however, is something I refuse to grow accustomed to, no matter how persistent it is. There are endless unconventional things-both simple and complicated-about my family that I will strive to never mimic, adopt nor incorporate into my future family dynamics. I just wish some people would understand the gravity of their decisions and actions on their family members and the large contribution they make to the construction of characters and personalities.

Take a minute to de construct one aspect of your personality and I bet you can probably link it to family history. For instance, I'm mature for my years because my childhood was short lived. With that said, I'm probably as silly as I am for the same reason. Bitter sweet.

Funny how negative this post sounds. The more I interact with the elderly, the more I feel the need to repair/maintain relationships with family members. Ultimately it is they who are forced to stick through the tough times even if they are to blame for trouble. Loneliness sucks now when everyone is around and young, I don't even want to imagine how lonely it must feel to be old, frail and without family. I'm truly blessed in many ways to have the life and family I do aaaand things are not always what they seem.

Because I have such little patience with family, I pray for patience. Lord knows I need it.

Good night
~Jai

Keep u YOU

paid a visit to martha's vineyard (aka MV or the V) with a group of friends...

some highlights:

*headed to the V with pain meds, antibiotics, and nasal spray- this should be interesting

*the group dynamics could not be more appropriate or shall I say inappropriate?

*the V: after vegas and miami...and DR, we were under the impression that MV was going to be a boisterous party. We brought enough food to generously feed a family of 10 for two weeks and definitely stuck out like Alfalfa's cow lick. Little did we know that the V is a quiet island for family activities. An island in which residents offer friendly greetings to complete strangers, a late night closing for a bar is 1:30am (original pic attached) and the youngsters walk around publicly voicing their drug testing concerns.

*This is what happens when 7 strangers stop being nice, have a lot of food, alcohol, time & curiosity and start being real.
-We made the ferry therefore avoided spending friday night in the car-Thanx Gabe
-sessy dance was conceived and adopted-Me+6 :)
-i learned i can take more verbal and emotional abuse than i thought/ever wanted -as
long as its coming from friends. LOL Thanx Damien
-SHOTS!- Fig
-my eyes were not ready for that- oh Nat...
-that was just disrespectful!- Aims
-your indifferent aka icebox where your heart used to be-Crack

*I was proudly the most sober person of the group (for I was on medication) but definitely enjoyed several meals (lobster was amazing), the beach, wonderful conversations and literally ONGOING laughter.

Point?: Being loopy off of vicodin housed in a two story 8 bedroom, 3 bath beach house, with 6 people, and absolutely no censorship was exactly what I needed! After 2 bedridden days, a molar extraction and being completely wiped out by my allergies, random borderline wreck less behavior was highly overdue. Productivity at work is 99% (-1% for this blog entry), makes me happy.

* unavoidable serious tangent:

~I did LEARN a lot. Its fabulous to learn about yourself through other's experiences and words. Its also amazing to know what people are REALLY thinking. Fanballs has always said that the superpower she'd want was the ability to read minds, after listening to people's thoughts, I could not agree more.

~This I will reveal: My earlier entry about MISinterpretations was not only confirmed, but displayed in a new light. AMAZING/ highly enraging. I am thankful for the way I am. Being truthful has never been so liberating, some people should try it.

Recommendation: Mental health is contingent upon "breaks from reality," so I URGE you take as many vacations/spa days/personal days/ daydreams/toilet breaks (u get the point) as it takes to keep u YOU. I definitely felt more like myself than I have in a long time.

Still Laughing
~Jai

I still have faith geunine people exist.

During the recent evaluation of my life, the impact of the things I encounter as a social worker has been greater. How people act toward one another is something I've been closely observing.

I deal with peoples problems. Plain and simple. Recently, the problems of the people I've been helping have been perpetuated by other people. People with ill intentions. Mean people. Straight up assholes. for instance:

A person and her family almost got evicted (aka became homeless) because a welfare administrator incorrectly entered data into her program, would not speak with the person or return any of my phone calls. The problem was solved and expedited as soon as I got her boss on the phone. So you mean to tell me that an easy phone conversation could have prevented a family from homelessness and you intentionally are not doing your job because of reasons unknown to me? What if the lady did not know to resort to me?

Daughter takes mothers contact information, opens countless credit cards and maxes them out. Mom is on SSI, meaning a fixed income. Daughter doesn't pay debt back and mom picks up cans in the street to be able to do so.

Mom verbally abuses teen child, making sure to include the bit about the teen being worthless daily.

or on a more basic level: girl that likes single guy sabotages single guy's interaction with other girls. people who blatantly overcharge for basic goods. teachers who don't give a crap.

My point? There are just mean people in this world. Mean people breed cruelty. Very few people are genuine these days. What do mean people get out of ruing or interfering a life? Rapists, killers, kidnappers, torturers, home wreckers...etc etc. It's scary, really. Just watch a few episodes on the investigation channel of 48 hours evidence, captured and many more.

Unfortunately, the more you know the more you fear. sometimes ignorance is bliss. for example, before I interned at a pediatrics ward for a hospital and I was ignorant to of baby illnesses. So I had little or no worries for babies. Then my sister gave birth when I was there and I was aware of sudden infant death syndrome, jaundice, malnutrition, wooping cough and the many other ailments newborns suffer. At the sound of a sneeze I was evaluating my nephew and borderline paranoid of what the baby might have fearing the worse.

Makes me wonder if I've played the role of mean person or obstacle to a person in need. I hope not. This is not to say that I am the nicest person. Life has definitely hardened my heart throughout the years. Just scary to realize what my kids will face, hopefully I'm present, capable and sane enough to soften the blow.

Treat each other good, its good for the soul.
Jez

Chosen Toe: This is Your Debut

Yes, inspired enough to ignore work and share something amazing with you!

SOOOOOOOOOOO many things that are blog worthy but this...this is a breakthrough people! I came back with a vengeance so excuse the long entry. Please read it in its entirety.

For as long as I can remember I've had an odd looking pinky toe. After my best friends ridiculed it and my feet relentlessly, I became conscious of the fact that this toe was interesting looking and shortly thereafter the toe that rises slightly above the rest was deemed: The Chosen Toe (TCT). So after realizing that people actually judge feet aesthetics, for as long as I can remember, I've kept it hidden from eyesight and only those closest to me have ever witnessed my feet, let alone TCT and my embarrassment.

Then I became a little older and interested in the opposite sex, and increasingly self conscious of my unconventional looking feet and TCT. Because my life is one big comedy show, 3 out of the 4 partners I have seriously been involved with have had a foot fetish. LMAO. Yes, ironic. Proof that God has a sense of humor. Funny how my feet was the last thing that mattered to them.

Anywho, since then a visit to the podiatrist contained a high spot on my bucket list, but lapses in health insurance coverage served as obstacles. Thankfully my current position came complete with health insurance so I stepped up to the plate, eager to consult a podiatrist on how to remove TCT. Ahh...if it were only that easy....

I told the podiatrist I've always had my suspicions about the toe and wanted an overall foot health analysis. It went as follows: Basically I have a high arch that moves with each step I take. According to her, its the worst type of arch to have because it causes unnecessary pressure on my feet and there is a high probability that I may get arthritis of the feet later in life. As a result, the joints in my foot (not toes) have been impacted by the pressure making my toes contract and not be fully extended like some people with long toes. That's why I have the worlds smallest looking toes.

Finally, the part I've been waiting for: analysis of The Chosen Toe. She takes one look at it and says: its hereditary; even if you don't know anyone in your family with a toe that looks like that, its allllll genetics. Immediately, I get a little discouraged. Then she says

-We can correct it-ahhh hope!
-But...- damn it!

Because of the type of arch you have, it would have to be major foot surgery because we would have to correct all of your toes. I recommend surgery only if there is pain. Also because of the reasons why your feet are like that, chances they will return to looking like that are high. She then applauded how well taken care of my feet are and that I should continue caring for my feet the way I do because its helping my foot health.

I don't believe in surgical procedures for aesthetic purposes. If I did, I would have gotten Lipo a looong time ago and kissed the gym goodbye. So, unless I begin to feel pain, The Chosen Toe is here to stay. I began caring about the appearance of my toes because they were being judged by others (I was truly ok with my feet until they were subject to review by others). I've blamed myself for not having gorgeous feet thinking it was something I did, my consequences of my actions led to the odd appearance of my feet, and I blamed my mom for not teaching me to get pedicures or be a girly girl. I don't wear sandals. All because someone else looks at my feet and doesn't want to immediately suck whip cream off of them. Shame on me.

Well guess what? God gave me these feet. My mother and father made them, its what I got. Just like the raspy voice, the curly hair, the bad memory and the medium sized badoonkie. I gotta work with it. If you don't like my feet, then as Kat Williams eloquently put it: your a Bitch Ni*@a. Keep it moving because I'm not here to please you and it would cost me a lot of money and unnecessary PAIN to change it. No thanks, I'm all set. Para los gustos se hicieron los colores. Plus, if you are going to like me, then take me as I am, chosen toe and all,

I can only imagine what you are picturing my feet look like. For the record, they do not look like the picture I've included. Despite suffering 2nd degree burns on my feet @ the age of 10, they look pretty normal with no scars. I have 10 little toes with nails on them all proportionate to the size of my feet. The Chosen Toe is the spokes person for my feet so he's always a little higher and odder looking than the rest, ready to be addressed. LMAO. I get also get pedicures routinely even during the winter.

I've always had my reservations toward people, including those I've dated, with foot fetishes because I don't have gorgeous feet. But I've always said, unless you have gorgeous feet (and now I add) or are willing to pay for unnecessary major foot surgery and take care of me while I recuperate, then STFU.

The Dr. recommended I wear shoes with support and spend as much time as possible in proper arch support like the appropriate running sneakers to prevent arthritis in the feet. So, if you run into me and I'm rocking a suit and some kicks...don't judge. I'm not trying to suffer in my elder years just because I was trying to look cute. No thanks. Funny how humans are socialized...

Chosen Toe handed to me by my ancestors, I accept you, therefore I accept myself. And that makes feel Fahkin Great. Thank you for reading the entire entry, hopefully everyone did and I can avoid people requesting to see how disfigured my feet are. Although...if you are curious...for 1 easy payment of $19.99, you can get your glance at my beautiful feet and I'll throw in some ankle action! Quick!!! Offer ends soon :)

Laughing always-
Jaz

Over due

yes yes yes, i know i haven't posted in too long.

Reason?

Work has taken over my life and although I know I'm not ready to settle for this modern day slavery, I see a purpose in it. Paciencia y Fe are in high demand right now.

---I'm fighting for freedom and it is exhausting & expensive.

Kinda bored with the social scene right now, there has got to be more than lounges and alcohol out there!

I'm blessed with wonderful friends.

Summer...hurry the fahk up.

I do have stories that are worth while...I'll have em up asap.