SEX before and after

okay, post #2 because this one is short and to the point.

After an absorbing conversation about sex with a good friend I was left with increased curiosity towards a question he posed. I decided to ask people throughout the weekend the same question to screen the responses. So far the responses have varied. So I turn to you blog world.

Do you think you can get to know a person better before or after sex?

Questions that question provoked: What constitutes a hoe? How do you know that a person who loves sex is not a hoe? What's up with the double standards women face when it comes to sex?

Your thoughts?!

what women want...

I had an epiphany on Saturday night as I rode the J train troopin' it to a poppin house party in BK!!! 13stops!!! I would've entered this over the weekend but the mobile site hated me for some reason.

So a really cute trini boy and I had dinner and then an eye opening convo. A lesson I learned the hard way was that to avoid disappointment, one must not have expectations. Needless to say the many disappointments- romantic and not- I've experienced have been distasteful and at times hurtful, so I try to expect nothing.

Wellll I fucked up. Lol. What I came to realize through this conversation was that expectations are what help you determine whether this person is deserving or not. Some expectations society predetermined ages ago (like a man should open the door for a lady etc. etc) and others are to your liking (smart, well spoken, etc etc). It is almost like making sure the person is qualified for your love/time/attention. I guess I tried to not have expectations but I've always had standards/ qualifications.

So I do have certain things a potential luv interest must posses/do in order to obtain/hold my attention/interest. And I admit, those are expectations. So I was wrong. Yea, admitting to errors is something adults do.

You will know when you have not met my qualifications if you do not obtain the desired position.

Interestingly enough, I don't know what position I'm looking to fill. I'll spare explanation of that statement because somethings are better left unsaid.

I am happy. I feel like I've found clarification to a key element in this whole thing called life. Makes sense to me, what about u?

bang bang Bang

IF someone treated you right, fulfilled most of your emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs, would it bother you if the relationship had no "status"? In other words, would it fly right with you if there was no definition on the type of relationship between the two of you? Just bang bang bang and continue the routine?

Your thoughts?

The following two videos kind of summarize what I'm trying to get at.

speak your Mind or shut your Mouth

this is the recurrent theme of my day. i find it fascinating!

so, a while back a friend of mine was talkin to this guy and brought me along for a chill session with his roommate and them. hey, i enjoy an adventure, wish i had the time and money to go on more.

*preface: if u haven't noticed, i speak my mind. i work for a politician so i can censor my thoughts and have developed some type of tact.

*Not this night. i went to this guy's place for the first time & topic of conversation: "we just got this place, what do you think?" and unexpectedly I let loose. Nope, not the "put ur feet up on the table" let loose, the "why are ur couches pink and walls purple?" loose. i overstepped my boundaries and was def out of my character and criticized the sh*t outta this poor dudes apartment. of course i didn't do it in a mean way but they did ask for my opinion :)

I never really figured out why i acted this way that night. Ms. NoSense doesnt live in grandeur and definitley cannot criticize ANYONE's apt (i've got dominican couches covered in cannary yellow PLASTIC, LMAO). naturally, i didn't expect anything but randomly running into this dude in the street and flashing him an embarrassed smile. interestingly enough, this dude and i actually became friends. n argue about that nite all the time.

*POINT?: SPEAK UR FAHKIN MIND. say what u need to say. I always do, even at the risk of seeming ignorant or mean. it makes room for communication, exchange of ideas and thoughts. a friend of mine once told me "to really get to know someone, get into an argument with them," LETS ARGUE! How else will we be corrected/enlightened/shut downnn?!

the people that matter most to me always tell me what i need to hear. whether i listen or not, is another blog topic, but they cared enough to tell me. the way i c it, we cannot possibly have a friendship if i cannot tell u the truth (good or bad) and you cannot speak with me genuwinely. please be assured that if i care for u, your truths will be spoken to and with you. u will find out if your partner is being unfaithful, if you look tore up from the floor up, if your acting like a child AND if you look gorgeous, did a wonderful job and are amazing. hey that guy could have written me off and thought of me as a b*tch. and that is what will happen with people that don't appreciate honesty. you move on to people that will, because eventually i was going to get honest, wat would of happened when I did? that simple.

*Keep it real folks- expect nothing but realness from me, but think before you speak.

*disclaimer: of course it takes a certain level of comfort and familiarity with the person before you can get blunt. please dont try this on someone you just met because chances are you will get slapped. lord knows why i didn't, my friend probably advocated for me lol.

Not a poem, just how mind is currently working

distraction

distracted

distraida

lack of focus

not focusing

focus slipping

no focus

focus please stay

focus gone

cant think

thinking too much

not talking enough

im a talker

not all people appreciate that

fuck people

nope, not angry, just distracted

focus, i demand you return. I urge you to return. ASAP. Pronto. Fast. Now.

xcuse me thief of thoughts, will you pliz stop? i think you've got enough. i enjoy being centered n going for a ride from time to time, but this is just ridiculous. im not having fun anymore. id like control of my mind returned promptly thankya.

some1 clarify PRONTO!

helos!

eh yo, fantabulous weekend

only downer was sucking at the gym on Friday and looking like a poopoo in front of my friend...not a good look. i have a hard time listening to my body-lesson learned.

played hard on sat nite cuz i work too damn hard durin the week...lord Jesus!

then spent the day with two of my closest friends. one of of the soldiers turned 24 and although plans were slightly altered, we had a blast. highly recommend Avenue Q if you want a light display of heavy life situations: love, sexuality, schadenfreude, etc etc. it helped to let the fact that we're getting older simmer and process.

I hope all of your weekends were as fruitful, purposeful and fun as mine.

the unrelated random point (and I'm smiling as enter this blog because I'm not miserable, just confused):

i suck at dating. LOL. its official. & I must specify, qualified attractive suitors r in abundance, its not that. its that i don't like how vulnerable i feel taking on a new suitor. i don't mind change or new adventures. but this whole dating thing is asking too much from me. lol, there is a reason i choose to withhold information from strangers. but in the dating scene ur putting yourself out there to potentially get hurt. rejection is not wat i fear. again, that's only temporary and God has an amazing way of working, plus THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.

its being hurt that i fear, and because of those jerks I learned to become emotionally unattached. and remaining emotionally unattached has helped me rid of those jerks, so thank u. my thing is, how can one be genuine when one is so guarded and emotionally separated? isn't it unfair to the person?

either way u r investing time in a person, right? getting hurt is inevitable and there is so much guarding u can do which means u put urself out there to either get hurt or take on a keeper....and that's what i don't like. can i spare my emotional health in this stage of my life? doesn't look like it, but I'm determined to maintain my sanity. thank u facebook lol.

nevertheless dating is exciting, new, unknown and fun. being in relationships has kept me away from facing this demon and boy am I learning.

well...BRING IT!

4 What?!

EL GUAOW- today i was reminded of my pooredom/ blessings and need company on this guilt trip :), come along friend.

i met with some attorneys with some people I'm helping at work and went to their offices. 39th floor of 50th and 6th Ave. 'nuff said. i was struck by it all. then saddened. honestly we live in an amazing country (even tho I have my reservations about it). we have "systems" in place that millions of people will never know or benefit from, 24-7 that make our life easier than i can even explain. (and lord knows i have my reservations about them too). think about it, we live in a country...

• that can afford to use electricity 24/7 (street signs)
  
• that has the luxury of displaying fresh water running in public for aesthetic reasons 24/7 (water fountains)
  
• one in which people have the luxury of throwing away left overs
  
• where for the most part, humans r fully clothed and when they are not, its by choice

that country exists in a a world ...

• in which one person every three and a half seconds dies of hunger or hunger-related causes (poverty.com).
• that hosts roughly 3 billion people that live off of less than $2 a day.
  

how much did you pay for that beer/shot/meal last night again?

So this is how America works? think about it. we educate ourselves for a price and spend the rest of our life paying back that debt in search of eventually being "comfortable" financially. What does that even mean? Some will go as far to say that they want to be rich. What for? What happens when you have all the luxuries this world can offer? Then what?

2 some, the answers to these questions might be obvious. Not for me. I'm supa poor and sup ignorant to the rich lifestyle. My dollar value is zero. I've never been to a country club, I don't own any property, a car or even a computer. I don't really know how to use the different sized forks at a "properly set" table, and recently discovered rich people actually have "dinner jackets". LOL. - Just a few examples.

But who's to say that's life? Who sat down and designated what the "finer things in life" are?! Who said that life is about being able to eat at the expensive restaurants, buy expensive things and wear expensive clothing? I can't answer that, I don't know rich/wealthy people nor have lived a rich/extravagant lifestyle. Plus you should see what I consider expensive/extravagant LOL.

I guess my question is what's the point of wealth? Is it the access to power? Why is wealth attached to power? Is economic prosperity is the only way to have access to life?

Makes me sad to contribute to such a country. Unfortunately, its what I know. I'm calling out my hypocrisies in search of redemption. When my mother speaks of her upbringing I cant help but get emotional. She owned her first pair of shoes at age 12 or so. How many shoes have we thrown away by that age? And how many times have we been angered for not being able to purchase a certain pair of shoes? I know I have.

the little things...thanks to this blog I will be reevaluating how my actions impact someone else's life. Eventually I will be able to help at the level I want to. and dont get it twisted. if $ comes my way, I'd gladly welcome it. I'm under several financial pressures the systems in this country gladly distribute to the financially illiterate- like presents! But then what happens cuando yo salga de mis lios?

See where you can help. Think of this is like my own anti-poverty PSA.
Pa'Lante -me