Standing ovation

written: 7/15/09

Took a nap when I got home from work, and was awaken by a symphony from NYC streets. I unknowingly had a first row seat to a performance from an old school car with a pimped out alarm and the vocal stylings of two men "conversing" right outside my first floor window. Ah, who needs ambiance music when you have such soothing sounds at your disposal? Trust me, they got a standing ovation...

Luckily, some people are around when needed....@ dawn.... A chill convo and three hours later, I'm wide awake laughing @ infomercials and enjoying an apple.

Alone time+post conversation mental stimulation= random thoughts.

What's this? I have time to write? Seize the 4am-ish moment!

Curiosity's rhetorical offspring:

*How important are the comments of those important people in your life? In other words, how much of an impact does the opinion of a loved one (may it be a close friend or family member) have on your decisions?

*Why don't more people face the fear of singledom?

*Why is it assumed that women are always relationship ready/prone?

*What really matters to you @ the end of the day?

*Why do people tend to primarily focus on the negative aspect of a situation? For example, your boss says, I've gotta talk to you, & people immediately think they are in for a bad meeting.

*What's the last personal realization you dawned upon?

*Was that meticulous enough?

*When is selfishness justified, if at all?

There's a lot more where that came from but those are questions around the recurring themes of many of my recent interactions and continued adventure to self discovery. The more personal developments I experience, the more questions arise.

I like questions because they lead to unknown territory & sometimes they force you to find the answer. But just having them shows that you are paying attention.

Well I hope this give you a randomness fix, hasta luego.

KidZ

Many things on my mind.

First, I've noticed, at the risk of sounding redundant, that children of color plagued by poverty in NY don't get the chance to be children.

**this is not to minimize or in any way take away from the very adult like situations they are exposed to: abuse, domestic violence, criminal exposure, financial strain, broken homes etc etc.

But allow me to process my thoughts...

I'll gear this toward females since its what I'm most exposed to. With sickening frequency, I witness too many little girls/adolescents wearing too much make up and not enough clothing, their immature minds trying to catch up with women-type issues and situations, idolizing everything except education, accomplished women and hard work. Not experiencing honesty-ever.

Talkin, actin, like they grown, but ask them to pronounce pizza or to mention the last book they read that wasn't from the Zhane series-its like someone pushed the mute/corny button. For example, my 14 year old, light skinned, waist length pocahontas type hair dominican intern has a nick name for african americans: "changas, because the look like chimpanzees". *cringes. This church going bright 14 year old never walked into my office without eye liner and matching jordans. SMH.

Or how about my 14 year old witty cousin who had the abortion and gets drunk @ parties, and hates "black girls cuz black girls hate her?"

Or what about my 18 year old cousin who graduated high school almost 2 years ago and has made no other moves?

Pero ask them wat omegas new song is and who isn't talking to who on the block.

Oh...and GOD 4bid I speak properly around them "why u actin so white?!"

What about the 15 three-12 year olds hanging on my stoop till dawn...all the time?!!?

Why is it that the more educated u become it feels like the less u can identify with your people? Lemme try to get them to read "infidel" or to the enjoy a day @ the museum unless there's papis there.

What is the determining factor to induce development among people like my cousins and the youth I encounter in my hood 24/7 so that they snapp outta the poverty mind set/ behavior?

What made me socially conscious and my sister mad ignorant toward other cultures and society: "eso cocolo! Yo no me meto con uno!"

Why after being educated am I much more judge mental of them? Because all of the above were judgments. What makes me expect more of them?

What happened to playing dolls and following rules? What happened to not shaving/doing your eye brows until 15 or older? What happened to curfews, asking permission and castigos when rules were broken? What about acting your age and holding on to your youth?

It makes me sad to see wasted potential and little adults. Maybe spending more time with them will help me understand? Let's try that one day mengggg.

Anyway, much more on this topic but ill leave it at that, I hope to blog one day with more answers than questions.

~for da' kidz!
~Yo

Gracia Amigito (a) (in little dominican girl voice)

I've been meaning to write this entry for a minute.

I

Have

Amazing

Friends

Punto.

Not to be confused with acquaintances, colleagues or boos.

I mean Friends. I'm talking about the person who will sit in the ER with you all night or the person who will call u 50 times 2 find out if u r ok cuz ur in the ER, the person who will just come over to simply talk about assholes, or sleep over. The ones that will stress their life to plan an amazing birthday week and the friend that will tell you when you're coming out your face and set you straight. The person that will leave a cupcake on your desk after seeing you physically react to your job. Ur bestest.

The ones that will make fun of your outfit and praise your intelligence or accomplishments in the same sentence. The one that you don't have to impress. The friend you call/email/hitup/gtalk/FB/ms/aim/text subconsciously and with no reminders even though u just called/emailed/hitup/gtalked/FBd/msd/aimed/texted them.

I hope you know I speak of the person that will let u wear their clothes, crash @ their place, mooch from their stuff. The one that will allow themselves be vulnerable enough to ask for help with serious problems and offer help in the same situation. The one that will pay for dinner, sit by the water fountain for hours with you and work on the friendship while simultaneously genuinely ignoring their romantic feelings for you. The one that would always come thru on a favor for u no matter how inconvenient it is for them. The one that will stay up all night with you, listening to show theme songs like the teenage mutant ninja turtles and walking in the rain to then suffer with you the next day @ work or in class.

The one that will be real with you no matter wat.

The one that will teach you life lessons you never thought you'd learn. The one who taught you to be okay with showing affection and the words "I love you." The one that fed and clothed you when u had no food or clothing, almost daily. The one that unconditionally laughs at all of your jokes and makes fun of u when they are not funny. The one who bbms u when they are on the crapper. The one who selflessly gives an ear, a ride, and themselves. The one that will deposit $ in your account when your stranded in Albany or "forget" u owe them for that laptop u bought from them. Your wing man and twat swatter when need be. The one that will always ask if you had dinner and about your family. The one that keeps your deepest darkest secrets.

The one that doesn't judge and has only your best interest at heart.

Yep, That Friend. I'm blessed to have that friend in a few people and hope you all get to experience a friend like that. I wrote this entry as my friends came to mind. Scattered thoughts and strongly linked to deep emotion and gratitude. Amigito, graaaaaaaacia. :)

-Pura Vida Mae!!