mira tu!

get it together carajo

poopoo tu no eres ni seras

hmm.

pao pao

yaooooooo mi gente!

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking, probably way too much, but I've had many many revelations lately that i hope to expand on in separate entries.

pero before i forget:

I had a convo with a friend in regards to marriage. My position: if two people are committed to each other why do they need a religious ceremony, performed by a nongodly mortal, to confirm that? His response: ceremonies serve a purpose. Initially, I was like yea, whatever, many people who take the plunge in a religious ceremony end up in another ceremony: divorce. But then it dawned on me...he is right. We shall be expanding on this later on, but think about this one.

I was an emotional wreck last week, but the emotion I felt the most was anger. I need to resume to working out before I loose friends due to my smart impulsive mouth. It cracks me up how impulsive I can be. I be doing some crazy ish man...tengo que tener cuidado.

Sex and double standards...I can write a whole book on that one. Lets just say I am surprisingly happy where I'm at. Giggety!

So I saw someones facebook status and, although it was a joke, i found his comment to be borderline offensive. I decided to send this person a private message and shared why I thought his comment should be thought over. I seriously contemplated about sending this message and after sending it, spoke it over with a few friends.

One friend: it was a joke, you are being to sensitive, i thought you believed in free speech

my response: are we too apathetic? are we enabling the man?

My thoughts: he's a smart man, if he's as smart as I think, he won't get offended, he'll just think about what effect his words have on people.

Second friend: true true.

Sensitive or not, as a socially conscious person, I wanted to make this person think. I am happy to report that this person received the message intelligently and my anti oppression task was complete. The work is life long. I think we let too many things slide by, but that's the society we live in, I choose to challenge the status quo any chance I get. I will not continue to enable people's dumb thoughts, not when they claim to be intelligent. I am proud of myself and will continue to urge people to shut up and talk.

& finally, I have had lots of time face the reality that I have come into with age. As I have gotten older, my cross has only gotten heavier. The new plight I have taken on: FACING it. For a few years I've been in denial about some one's addiction problem responsible for my reality today. I have finally the courgae to face it. Thankfully, I am the way I am, otherwise this battle would have beaten me a long time ago. I am happy I am individually strong. Now I have to complete going through the motions so I may begin forgiving. I have faith I will one day, for now, anger is what I feel. I'm not worried of permanency, I've never been an angry person.

I love you because you have never stopped being a genuine friend or wrong about anyone. PaoPao to me for being hopeful. Sometimes the proof is right in your face and its still hard for you to see. Lesson learned: learn from new experiences and people in life but always know yourself more. For your trust, the test should be much more critical, that way you are not disappointed when you have been failed.

I've learned to have no expectations and cant help that I get soft from time to time. SMH @ me. Just a little reminder course its all. Noted.

You cannot fake intelligence.

Interesting what is important to people. Do you know what is truly important to you?

Everything happens for a reason, seriooosoooooooooo!

Palabra

You may be a slave and not even know it...

Guess What?

Soooooooooooooooooo LIFE IS Efffin CRAAAAZY mannn!

*Its long winded but it truly deserves to be read in its entirety.

Okay, prior to my current singledom, I was in a relationship with this young fellow from Brooklyn for about 2.5 years. We met at a dance club- yes I know never a good sign but hear me out one sec. I was frowning- literally-@ this club because I was not having a good time and this individual noticed. He asked me to dance- not just humped me from behind, and after dancing till last call, my smile was wiped. Walked me to the train station and evveryyythings (I was still in college, don't judge). He asked for the digits and got them and actively pursued and convinced me to go on a date with him on the next day (thanks to my BFF who encouraged me to go) and eventually a relationship despite my initial hesitation.

A few years later, a student at my school approached me at a party after I ended our relationship and asked me how I knew him. I informed her we were in a relationship that no longer existed. She told me she worked at the same retail store he did, that she knew him and then asked why we broke up. So, I uh...BSd her because, well I don't kiss and tell. I always knew she deep down had much information about this person that I would have loved to know when we were in a relationship, but after the relationship I never bothered to ask because I simply didn't care.

Funny how life works. A few years pass by and guess who is back in my life? Yep this student who knew him. She is currently undergoing the membership process for the greek organization I am a member of and I happen to be her "pledge mom." For those of you unfamiliar with greek life, I am the person responsible for her membership process and ultimately her birth into the organization. I spend 90% of my time with this woman. One time, she was with me when he called & I told him because he knows her. His tone rapidly switched and when I told him I'd call him back, he quickly agreed.

Guess what. He didn't pick up my call. hmmmmmmmmmm *places finger on head

I mentioned to her how weird it was he didn't pick up my call being he always picks up my RETURNED calls.

Then an interesting conversation followed.

Basically she confirmed that my former partner was actively involved with the person he claimed "was his best friend" throughout the better part of our 2.5 year relationship.

Yea, I'll let that one simmer.

Seriously, I was not even mad. It stung for like .00001 seconds because no one likes that sort of news. Aside from the fact that I am very much over him, I wasn't even surprised. I was, however, vindicated-finally!!!! (I am not psycho or jealous. you were unfaithful and got sloppy after a few years).

So why blogg about something that's seemingly so irrelevant you ask?

A few things:

First: Its a SMALL world. OMG, what were the chances of that happening?? CRAZY right?!

Secondly: The truth ALWAYS comes out. In my case, it came out relatively soon. My sister lied about the identity of my nephews biological father, and 15 years later, he had to take some blood test for some unrelated reason and BAM- you are not the father...but you are! I wholeheartedly believe this people, the TRUTH ALWAYS comes out.

And third: my friends and I were talking about checking the voice mails, emails, facebook, myspaces and messages of your partner. One person was gun ho about it and I was adamantly against it because I'd done it and its never a good situation. You cause yourself unnecessary stress and when you find what you were already suspicious about to be true, you cant bring it up to the person without them deflecting the discovery of their wrong doing onto you with their disgust at the violation of trust. So I will never, and I swear on my jaded heart, EVER go down that road again and hope women follow in my footsteps.

Point is, if you are checking your partners stuff, its because you already have enough proof or are unhappy with your relationship. I blog about the situation to shed light on the growth I've experienced as a woman since we broke up. Ending our relationship was the best thing I could have ever done. My life has only been better since I ended that relationship. And that is an understatement. Seriously.

Ladies: If you are making compromises in your relationship and are still not happy, THEN END IT. Do not remain hopeful, if its a character flaw, things will not change. I know compromises can be made and changes can occur if there is a will. you will see when there is no will to work at something. If that is the case-DUMP the person. There is someone out there that will fulfill your personal relationship standards. Have strength to move onto to something BETTER. God knows how many things I turned my cheek to, to maintain that empty relationship. Thankfully I was strong enough to end it and go through the horrid motions of a break up to come out a better person on the other side.

Cheaters: Your actions do affect all parties involved and usually those are people who truly care for you. Think twice the next time you are unfaithful. If you are unhappy with your partner, have some cojones and break it off, don't be selfish.

Thankfully I was smart enough to realized and INTERNALIZE the fact that I am a beautiful, intelligent woman who's got too much going for herself to remain at those standards. Today I know many things. I now know that I never really loved this person because my emotions were never reciprocated. I have affirmation of what I always knew- I am not crazy!! I know that the words "I love you," are meaningless unless their ACTIONS scream "I love you." I also learned to give my mother's dislike of a bf more consideration. Most importantly, I now know what standards to hold men to, what I will not compromise on and what is unacceptable in a my future relationships, period. If you do not qualify, it's OK, no matter how much I may be into you, you will be removed from the extensive list of qualified candidates.

To this person:

Sucks to be here since we were actually friendly toward one another. Isn't it funny how I found out anyway? I always knew, i just thought I loved you. After the culture of our relationship turned shady, I did my research and still ignored the proof- silly me. I was genuinely honest to you and with you. You causED me a lot of hurt and pain to the point that I acted completely unlike myself. Karma's a bitch, which is why I am not angry, I trust her. My only regret is not ending things with you sooner, I was young. I thank you for taking me down that road because I learned a lot about relationships and men from you. I will not shit on you because that speaks to me, I mean I was with you for a number of years, us know I always thought I was settling. My conscious is clean.

When I told my friend we broke up he said "Por fin! Dejate ese muerto!" Meaning your social skills are wack. Step it up. Stop calling me, I do not want wish to engage in late night activities with you again. Please pay your school loans so that they stop calling me in hopes of contacting you and don't use my name for references ever again. Your mother is a wimp for not telling me what she knew all along, even when I found the picture and asked her who the female was and all she could do was look down and pout- coward. Stop asking her to cover for you- grow a pair. If you need something important, like a donation of an organ or food for your children, please feel free to email me. Otherwise, I wish you love.


To the other woman who apparently was well informed and aware of my existence:

Priviet (russian for hello). I feel for you. I was in the same exact position before. I too was with a man who was in a relationship in hopes he would leave her for me because I really cared for this person. The difference between you and I is that I actually have a conscious and a brain and quickly realized what you failed to realize in seven years- ain't gonna happen. So I ended that situation. I'm sure you would have been encouraged to cut the shit out but his actions always lured you to remain hopeful, so I don't blame just you. Oh, and are you together now btw? Nope. Never had a chance, See how that works? If he wanted you as his girl, he would have never began a relationship with me. Womp. Hurry the fuck up and finish john jay. You cant be in college forever Van Wilder. I am prettier and smarter and worth it which is why I dumped him. And in case you can't read, he still calls me TOO. Man up, grow some brains, and I wish you love in your current "happy" relationship.

To me: never, everrrrrrrrrrrr settle. Never forget your worth, and if your future is one destined for booty calls because you refuse to compromise on your core values, then you have 14 nieces and nephews that will benefit from your fortune.

Bloggers: I am single by choice (read other entries such as jade breaks heart). So here I'll give you the basics: if you are a male older than 24, taller than me in heels, smart, have an academic degree, a salary, is funny, a social personality, and good looking with hopes of finding a serious truly MONOGAMOUS and good looking companion for old age, let me know. I may be able to pencil you in.

I want to know what love is, I don't believe I have ever been in love. Have I cared deeply for someone? Yes. Have I loved a man? Don't think so. Who's up for the challenge, my goal ISN't bootycalls you know. :)

I wish you all love.





Peace and LOVE